Authentic, sincere, being yourself. Being real.
How do you do that? Is it innate, learned, determined by our genes, or do time and environment play a role?
You would think that being yourself happens naturally, but is that really the case? In my previous writing, I mentioned that I would continue exploring the theme of being yourself and setting boundaries. So, I gladly take you on this journey—the journey into my thoughts and my world of Being.
Setting boundaries, or as I often call it "taking up space," is not always easy for everyone. At least, that’s how I experienced it during my youth and as I grew into adulthood. The time and environment I grew up in certainly influenced that. My cradle stood in a place that challenged me as a child and as a person more than once. I don't say this because I feel sorry for myself or see myself as a victim—because I am and feel anything but a victim. Have the circumstances shaped me? I can wholeheartedly say "yes."
Stubborn as I am, over the years I have chosen my own colors. I often colored outside the lines to discover which colors truly belong to me. What is mine? Where do my boundaries lie? What feels right, what doesn't, and why not? These kinds of (inner) questions helped me compose my own palette, one I can now continue to experiment with.
Illustrated by Betty Titawano
You might wonder if I'm getting too carried away with my visual thinking. To me, life feels like a painting: a blank canvas that you get to color yourself. The colors were always there, even before I could distinguish or name them as a newborn. I believe this applies to everyone.
Hold on to this thought and join me in asking the question: "Where did your cradle stand?"
Imagine two situations:
1. Your cradle stood in a loving environment. A stable place where care, attention, healthy food, financial security, a home, education, etc., were not just wishes but reality.
2. Your cradle stood in an environment where worries, violence, insecurity, abuse, trauma, financial problems, and unrest were the reality—perhaps more often the rule than the exception.
Now, imagine choosing from bright, fresh colors or dark, dull shades and linking them to situation 1 or 2. Most of us would associate bright colors with situation 1 and grayish tones with situation 2. But what colors surrounded your cradle? And has this influenced your being, your development, the choices you make, and the possibilities you see?
My father began his life in the Netherlands at a disadvantage. Along with many Moluccans, he had to fight for his existence. My mother, born in a small village in the Netherlands, also faced difficulties. The marriage between my parents was as unstable as the circumstances they came from. With what I know and understand now, I see that their divorce was almost inevitable. Our family broke apart, and things did not become calmer or more stable after the separation.
Looking back, I see how this turbulence affected our family, but I prefer to speak for myself: the circumstances definitely influenced my choices and development. I’ll briefly describe what my color palette looked like back then.
I grew up in a Moluccan neighborhood, surrounded by family and friends. We spoke our own language, had our own church, eating habits, faith, and traditions. But we also carried our traumas, sometimes spoken, sometimes not. Yet, above all, we were human among humans.
We, Moluccans, carry history in our hearts, passed down through our genes and flowing in our blood. Does it make us better, worse, more sensitive, stronger, weaker, different? No, it makes us unique in our being. Despite our disadvantages, we are still here. Conscious, open, capable, purposeful, and social, we continue to grow and discover.
Our parents had a limited palette of colors because they had to build a new home with tears in their hearts, far from their homeland. Yet, they gave us, their children, something priceless: the gift of living, of seeing further than most eyes can. Of feeling deeper because we have been to deep places.
Our parents taught us: "Apa datang dari muka, djangan undure." Loosely translated, this means: "Whatever happens, do not stand aside."
This is how I learned to Be. To truly Be. From the place where my cradle stood, I learned and grew further. Step by step, overcoming each hurdle. Sometimes I was on the verge of giving up until a whispering voice said, "Hold on, don’t give up." I felt an invisible, warm, comforting blanket that carried me further. Beyond the horizon, beyond the dark clouds, until I could see the colors that had always been there. Patiently waiting to be seen—by me, by you, by us.
Fortunately, we can choose our colors. I did, and I always say: If I can do it, anyone can.
It takes perseverance and willpower, but whatever it takes—do it for yourself.
You are more than worth it.
With all my love,
Nusa Ina
Where did your cradle stand?