As agreed and written in part 1: Papeda, in this part entitled Stamppot (stew), I will further discuss my experience and perception of what sometimes seemed to be 2 worlds. If you haven't read part 1: Papeda yet, I cordially invite you to do so.
As you may have read in my previous blog, I have not always found it easy to be a double blood. I gradually found my way in growing up, with trial and error. As often in life, I can say and see in retrospect that it took time and experience to balance things and be able to see, feel and shape things from my own perspective.
Being a double blood posed a challenge for me, but also and above all an enormous enrichment. Sometimes you hear people talk about building bridges, when they talk about the connection between people, cultures, or differences, for example.
I can say, as it were, that building bridges and making connections is in my blood. After all, Papeda and Stamppot flow through my veins and have a loving place in my heart. What was confusion at first became a huge enrichment and what that process looked like for me. I would like to share that with you in this blog.
Stew:
Like all other children I know, I also went to school and met new children. I had friends in the Moluccan neighborhood and at primary school I met children with a different background, origin and culture, including Dutch children. In the schoolyard we played together and in the classroom we worked alongside and with each other. After school we spoke and saw each other much less. That was more the exception than the rule when I was growing up.
This changed a bit more when I went to highschool.
It also gave me an insight into the world outside my familiar and familiar surroundings. Yes, an enrichment because I learned, among other things, that some things were done differently, that people sometimes thought differently. I also learned that there are similarities and one of them is, you may have guessed it… Both the Moluccan and the Dutch people I know eat Stamppot.
I can tell you there are even more similarities. Just as well as I can tell you there are more differences.
It is a well-known and human phenomenon that when something is slightly different from what you are used to, you may have to get used to it. But if you are open to it, dare to ask, dare to broaden your horizon, then it is an enrichment.
Zoals ik al schreef, kwam ik in de periode dat ik naar het voorgezet onderwijs ging, ook meer in contact met en over de vloer bij mijn Nederlandse vrienden en vriendinnen. Als we een tussenuur hadden, ging ik soms met een vriendin mee naar huis. Net zo gastvrij en gebruikelijk als ik vanuit huis gewend ben, at ik bij sommige mensen mee, maar ik leerde ook dat dit niet vanzelfsprekend is. De eerste keer dat ik werd verzocht ergens anders te wachten of naar huis te gaan, omdat het etenstijd was en ze aan tafel gingen, was nieuw voor mij. Ja, dat klinkt misschien raar, maar neem in gedachten mee dat bij ons thuis er zonder vragen een extra bord op tafel werd geplaatst. Eten, betekent samen aan tafel eten en delen wat je hebt. Een veel gehoorde uitspraak bij mijn niet Molukse familie en vrienden is “er is zoveel warmte, hartelijkheid en gezelligheid bij jullie thuis”. Ik denk dat deze uitspraak onder andere daar vandaan komt.
To this day, I can't manage to eat and let someone else watch and offer nothing. I have to laugh as I write this, because I hope to carry this habit with me for the rest of my life. I share what I have and I do it with all my love.
What I also learned at school was to discuss, debate and argue. The class was then divided into a group with position A and a group with position B. The aim was to discuss the position taken, to substantiate your position and to listen to each other. This was different and new to me, because I was raised in a traditional way. This means, among other things, that you do not contradict parents and adults. A yes but, an I think, discuss or reconsider something? No, that was not possible in my time and growing up.
I am happy and grateful that I was able to learn at school what it is to engage in conversation, to talk and to listen to each other. I have learned that making something negotiable does not mean that I am disrespectful, or that I do not appreciate or respect the elderly and others. For me it is a valuable quality and addition in my contact with the world and the people I get to meet.
The example above is a small selection from my personal experience. But not all of them were so airy and small. One of the most striking moments, in which it was made very clear that I am a double blood and therefore different, I don't think I will soon forget.
That was the moment I was asked, “would you rather have been a Dutch girl”?
For the sake of clarity and completeness, this question was asked to me by an adult man of Dutch descent and yes, he meant it dead serious. I well remember that at first I looked at this man in astonishment, and when I finally found words I politely asked him questions. Namely, do you think I should choose? What would that choice and the choice look like in your eyes? Am I better in your eyes if I were a Dutch girl?
I will spare the rest of the conversation, because what I want to highlight here is the bit of duality imposed by the outside world. I am, as it were, presented with a choice. A choice that is impossible to make without denying myself or a part of myself.
I eat Papeda. I eat stew. I have a Moluccan father and a Dutch mother.
My skin color is too dark to be Dutch. My skin color is too light to be Moluccan.
Should I choose for that reason? Should I cut myself in half? Do I have to justify myself?
Is doing things differently, experiencing things differently, being different, feeling different, a different color or origin a reason to exclude? I hope the answer is No, but realize and know from experience that some say Yes.
Injustice and exclusion for whatever reason makes me sad and sometimes angry. But after creating space for my anger and frustration, I look for space for conversation and, where possible, connection. From my experience, I can tell you that what you have read so far has done something to me as a person.
Yes, it was sometimes painful and sometimes confrontational, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world. It taught me and built for me, a bridge to connection. The connection and unity in myself and the connection from person to person.
Nusa Ina
Confess color