A yes is only a yes when you can say no
These words literally stopped me in my tracks years ago.
As you can see, these words are stopping me again now, and I've picked up the proverbial pen. May I once again be so bold as to share my thoughts aloud?
Our website has the beautiful name Lain Sayang Lain, which literally translates to: caring for each other ~ taking care of one another.
I still find it a beautiful and wonderful name, and a lovely starting point to live, think, and act from. No "but", rather a question… how do you live by this principle? How do you give it shape in your day-to-day life? What choices do you make, and how do you continue to be there for others without losing sight of yourself?
Most will recognize the following quote:
"You have to take care of yourself
before you can take care of others."
– Dr. Phil
From a young age, I have been fortunate enough to learn and experience the principle of Lain Sayang Lain. For that, I am grateful to this day. But I’ll also say openly and honestly that it has made me confront myself. Because where is my boundary? Where do I stop caring for others? It took me a long time, and sometimes I still find it difficult, to say no. It’s not about saying no just for the sake of it, but because I run past myself if I say yes in that moment when I actually want to or should say no. A no would then be the honest answer. Not because I don't want to help, but because I don't have the physical space, mental space, or—call it what you will—the space at that time.
Yes when I actually mean no
At a certain point in my life, I decided to only say yes if I genuinely want to say yes. No more saying yes because I think someone expects it from me. No more yes because I don't want to disappoint the other person. No yes when I actually mean no, because I want to be honest, with myself and with you. Yes, sometimes it's hard, I have to admit, but it’s honest. Honest, respectful, open, and vulnerable toward you and toward myself.
Space to set boundaries. Space to be honest with each other. Open, transparent, and vulnerable with each other. A relationship, friendship, and connection based on mutual respect and loving care for ourselves and each other.
Yes, I love meeting people, talking to each other, listening to each other, discovering and learning from each other, exploring new boundaries, laughing, and being together in silence. Together, and sometimes alone – simply because it’s possible, allowed, and emerges in all openness and love.
I continue to learn, discover new possibilities, and keep growing. Life doesn’t stand still, there’s always movement, and it’s a beautiful realization to know that we are the movement. The choices you make, the space you take up, the boundaries you choose, set, or shift, create movement in a certain direction, and with that, direction in life. Me, you, us, together, and sometimes alone, in motion.
That, to me, is Lain Sayang Lain and it makes me happy. Why? Ah, more on that the next time.
I love me, I love you, I love life – until the next Kata².
Nusa Ina
Being yourself & setting boundaries